I’m going slightly off topic but stay with me, I’m going to bring it back full circle.
So I was listening to a podcast today – I listen to a lot of podcasts but this one hit me hard. The topic was on getting healthy for the sake of loving your body not reaching a goal weight.
It hit me like a ton of bricks because I had a few realizations that I had no idea I was holding onto. The person speaking was saying how she felt like she couldn’t meet her max potential until she looked a certain way. Boom – that has been me too. Ever since I was a child I was always judged by my mother on how I looked. “Caryn you look too thin.” or “Caryn you look fabulous did you lose weight?” Or “Caryn did you gain some weight?” I was always sensitive about my weight because the rest of my family was bigger-boned than I was. The very fact that I took after the more petite side of the family and not the Russian side was a point of contention for my older sister all my life. I remember the first time I thought my thighs looked fat. I was about 6 or 8 and I was on the bus back from camp. I had my knees propped up on the seat before me – remember how we used to do that on a bus? I looked down and my thighs were bulging. I realize now that is what happens when your legs are in that position but in that moment I remember feeling sad and panicked. Not knowing what to do.
I had this limiting belief when I was trying to get pregnant that I had to be 30 pounds heavier to actually keep and achieve a pregnancy. That being what others called me “too skinny” wasn’t good for infertility. I know now that was bull because there are so many people who are skinnier and many people who have a bit more weight on them and they both get pregnant. All 4 of my pregnancies were achieved at the exact same weight though. I’m sure it has more to do with what I thought was happening rather than what did happen.
I’m bringing this up because some of you may also be waiting for that perfect moment that you are going to be happy and feel good about yourself. When I lose that 10 pounds I’ve been chasing for years, when I finally give birth to that baby, when I finally quit this job, when I make $1M this year. Guys what I realized, although I’m sure I have known it all along, is that if you can’t be happy right now with where you are and what you got you probably never will be. If you think you will feel differently when you get and achieve that elusive thing you are waiting for you won’t. Well that thing may make you happy temporarily but for long term fulfillment you need to find a way to find that peace now.
I’ve been the queen of if this then that and I am here to say NO MORE. I know it’s going to take time to shift my mindset and I will need to concentrate on small things and make them habits but I am committed. Are you?
One way we can shift mindsets and gain better habits by journaling and affirming what we want to be.
Good thing that I have an awesome freebie waiting for you here: https://carynrich.com/journaling-prompts/
Let’s get our confidence back and make real change together ok? Let’s be happy no matter where we are with our journey. I’d bet anything that this will do wonders for our stress levels too
Xoxo,
Caryn
