I decided to become a coach because I felt that there was something missing while I was going through my own journey. I was missing a friend who had been through it before me. Someone who could help me through each step of the process cheering me on and supporting me.
When you have a baby after a miscarriage, it’s called a “Rainbow Baby.” My son Alef was a Rainbow Baby but, did you know that when one twin passes away that the baby is called a Sunset Baby? Alef was a Rainbow and then a Sunset. I never heard of this until recently, but it describes that loss perfectly. The sun sets on all the hopes, wishes, and dreams you had for them. When what was supposed to be my Rainbow turned into a Sunset, I was numb. The other twin who lives is called a Sunrise Baby, and I have one of those too. Part 3 will be all about her; I hope you will read the final chapter to learn more.
There aren’t many regrets I have in life, but the one I do have is major. I regret not listening to my gut about going away while I was 20 weeks pregnant with my twins. Twins that took over 4 years to conceive after 15 ART treatments and 5 miscarriages. As you can imagine, there was a lot physically, mentally, and financially we had invested in those babies. This regret comes wrapped up with lots of could have/should have, longing and guilt. I have had time and therapy to work out these feelings, but to some degree, they will always be there.
One of the downsides of being a public figure when you share so much of your life is also sharing when super hard things happen. Sadly, as most of you have already heard, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend lost their baby halfway through the pregnancy last night. Teigen...
I remember looking back at my infertility journey a few years in and wondering who I am. Who had I become? How had I changed so much that I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me?
I can’t justify the losses, especially the loss of my second son, but I know what I had to endure brought me the family that I have now. Almost going bankrupt because we spent so much on fertility treatments sucked! I can’t explain how unfair it is that we have to pay money to have children when so many of our friends and family members don’t. But, it was how it was meant to happen.
What I realized over time, and through lots and lots of therapy, was that I had no reason to be ashamed for changing. After all, if we are not growing, we are dying, no? Being a former people pleaser, the fact that she called me out as having changed shook me because, until that moment, I thought that staying the same was the goal.
Problem ➡ Roadblock ➡ Research ➡ Pivot ➡ Success
No matter what situation I have found myself in throughout my adult life – job loss, finding my soul-mate, infertility, 135 day NICU stay, breast-cancer, getting coverage for expensive meds for me or my children and so much more – has followed the path above.
I literally didn’t realize that it was mother’s day until somebody mentioned it yesterday. I think mother’s day is going to feel a little bit different this year, whether you’re a mother or not. I am a mother for those of you who don’t know that, but I remember when I wasn’t and how hard this day was. Now more than ever, it is so important to be doing what you need to do for your own mental health during this time. Basically, we’re living through a quarantine, your cycles have been canceled, you’ve been having trouble getting pregnant and now you have to deal with mother’s day on Sunday!
She debated sharing her own story with all of the posts circulating about Infertility Awareness Week, especially in light of having had a baby last week, but this is one I knew needed to be shared and that would encourage us all in our journey. Some might look...
I am talking about “The One”. I am talking about finding the doctor that you know in your gut is the one who will bring you that baby. Since you can’t make said baby the old fashioned way, that doctor is the next best thing. You need to search for the perfect match the same way you searched for your partner.