I have heard from at least three friends in less than 24 hours who were dealing with issues with friends and how they were being treated badly. I think as women, sometimes we have problems with other women for various reasons. I am certainly no expert when it comes to friends or friendships, but I do know how I like friends to make me feel. I don’t like friends to make me feel icky inside. If a person is making your spidey senses awaken, then that is your gut, your intuition telling you that something’s not kosher here. What do I mean by that? In the conversations I’ve had with these women the past couple of days, I’ve heard varying degrees of betrayal, jealousy, unsupportive words and general malice.
Going through the infertility journey is hard – very hard and surrounding yourself with the right kind of people is essential! There may be times that you want to pull away and a true friend will understand this and give you the space you need. It is perfectly normal to feel sad when your BFF gets pregnant after her first try while you have been trying for so much longer. A true loving and supportive friend will understand.
I will be the first one to tell you that I was not taught by anybody how to treat a friend. But, I do know that I don’t ever want to be jealous of a friend again. I don’t ever want to make a friend feel like crap. I know that people are not perfect, friends are not perfect, people are not perfect and that’s okay because we’re perfectly imperfect. As a general rule of thumb, if there is a person who was in your life who 99.9% of the time makes you feel good and is a good friend to you, that’s somebody you want to keep in your tribe and your life. However, if somebody has proven to you time and time again that they suck, they’re jealous, they don’t want to support you, that they’re narcissistic, that they are selfish then let me ask you something. Why are you still friends with them? Get yourself some other friends!
I firmly believe that what you put out is what you get back. If you are getting this kind of behavior from people, how are you treating your friends? And I’m not saying that you’re treating them badly on purpose but, make sure that you are putting out what you want to get back. Sometimes people can be very big liars, so that you’re not aware of what bad people they are. I know it’s hurtful to separate, but as we grow as humans and as adults and we should always be growing, there are going to be people who are either going to embrace that growth and celebrate you or they’re going to be people who are going to look at you as changed and a threat. They will be jealous because they haven’t changed and they won’t understand your desire to.
I don’t care how long you have been friends with one of these people, why are you still friends with them if they don’t bring value to your life. This is NOT high school. You don’t win any points for the amount of friends you collect. I would rather have fulfilling relationships with wonderful, strong and supportive women. I really, really cherish the women in my life and there’s not a thing in the world that I wouldn’t celebrate with them. There was a time in my life where I would have been super duper jealous because I would want something that they have or achieved.
I’m not saying that I’m perfect, but I feel so happy, genuinely happy when my friends achieve goals and dreams because it’s not a competition. I absolutely think that there’s no better trait if you are strong enough to celebrate another woman and create that tribe. Truly at the end of the day, that’s what it’s about. Celebrating strong women, being strong women, raising strong women, having strong women influence and friends in your life. There really is nothing better. So to anybody out there who is having this conflict, all I’m saying is that it’s okay if you don’t want this person in your life anymore, it’s okay to walk away. It’s ok to say, I’ve had enough and I don’t want to be abused by this toxic draining person. It’s so important especially when your going though the hard stuff like infertility to try to surround yourself with people who bring you up, who are high energy, loving and genuinely support you. Not like in a fake supportive way, but genuinely support you.
Choose your tribe carefully, folks.