If you are human (which I assume you are) – you have at some point looked to the heavens and said “WHY ME”?
I think it’s perfectly normal for you to get angry and sad when you are going through something hard, like infertility, to lose sight of your journey because of it. It was hard for me to understand why I had so many miscarriages, or why it took me so many years to have success. The stress from the meds, the money and strain on your relationships alone can lead you to ask this. Why do I need to go through all of this when Suzy over there looks at her husband and gets pregnant? Oh, and by the way she thinks its funny to tell you of her amazing ability to procreate as well.
Why me? Why do I need to listen to this? Why do I need to see another baby announcement today? Why do I have to see pregnant bellies everywhere I go?
One simple lesson that I wish I had learned sooner is understanding that life happens for you NOT to you. That everything that you are going through is for a reason even if you can’t see it at this very moment. Now that is not to say that this answers the question as to why you had so many miscarriages or required 4 Laparoscopies but it does help you understand that each and every step has its purpose.
Sometimes it takes a minute for you to truly understand this concept because you are too close to the pain. Take me for example, I spent years trying to wrap my head around so much loss, pain, time and money that was required for something as simple as a family. After I got pregnant with our twins I remember saying, oh, we went through all the years of struggle so that I would get to this amazing pregnancy. It made perfect sense to me until tragedy struck. Suffering the heartbreaking loss of my second son and spending 135 days in the NICU with my first daughter only brought me back to WHY ME?????
Nothing can ever replace the loss of my son or the time my daughter spent in the NICU but it certainly changed me. Like changed me a lot. The things that used to stress me out and the things I held dear all of a sudden became crystal clear to me. Over time it was also so obvious to me that the reason I went through such a long, painful journey was so that I could have an understanding like no other. That I knew what it felt like to be stuck in the rollercoaster to baby that so many others need to ride. That my loss could and would turn my pain into purpose.
Can you in this moment, no matter where you are in your journey, find one example of what I’m talking about? Whether you are just starting, knee deep or even past it, is there even a small disappointment that you can say helped give you a deeper purpose to get you to where you are now? Shoot me a DM or PM I would love to hear your answers!
Baby Dust to you my friends, now and always. 🌬