Are you scared of having multiples?
I find that there are 2 kinds of people…. Those who actually want their cycle to produce multiples and those who are adamant that they don’t. There actually might be a third who secretly hope this happens to them too.
I think this is such a personal choice and decision. Doctors have become increasingly concerned about this outcome and have become even more strict about the recommended amount of embryos they will transfer back or allow to fertilize. You don’t hear about women giving birth to high order multiples more than once as much as you used to (Octomom for instance).
I can’t tell you what to hope for, but I can tell you my own story. I was the former, I really really wanted twins. Our first IVF cycle we transferred 2 embryos and would up with our first son – a singleton pregnancy.
If you know my story you know that getting pregnant with our second was a 5 year process that involved double digit IVF cycles, 5 miscarriages and many lost embryos.
It was so hard to process why it was so hard to find successes again. I was able to rationalize it all when we got the happy news that after 5 years we were blessed with a twin pregnancy. When you get your first betas you never really know if the reason they are so high is due to early implantation or multiples. Or at least that is what they say, but I knew. I just knew I was carrying twins and I was thrilled.
Seeing my two beans for the first time was magical. Each milestone and each time I saw their growth, heard their heartbeats, saw them resemble a tiny baby was a miracle. You are bigger sooner (I literally looked like I was 16 weeks at 8) and there are many more things that need to be watched. While being blessed with twins was amazing I am proof that carrying them can sometimes prove to be difficult, especially if your doctor isn’t vigilant.
My twins were born severely early but that had NOTHING to do with them being conceived though IVF. One thing that people neglect to remember is that as I mentioned above, a twin/multiple pregnancy carries many more risks and you need to be prepared ahead of time for what those can be. Once you fall pregnant you are NO different than any other pregnant woman. Said another way, you are on an even playing field with all the women who got pregnant the old fashioned way.
Could have, should have, would have….
My MFM told me my early delivery was my bodies fault. I still remember being in shock when he told me that along with recommending I get a surrogate should I want to have more children.
I truly hope that doctor somehow found out that I carried a baby to full term not long after he told me that. In addition, that she was conceived naturally with one tube in my early 40’s. I carried that baby full term because I had a doctor who listened to me, my fears, my concerns and had no ego when it came to doing so.
I never found out the sex of any of my pregnancies but, I had been blessed with baby jackpot as it is sometimes called – one boy and one girl. I wouldn’t change anything about that pregnancy except having my second son at home with me along with his twin sister. My heart breaks a little when I see the hashtag #twinmom. I was one and I will always be one but I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel cheated.
Whatever you decide, whatever you plan for, I hope my story helps demystify the good and the bad and what you can expect of a multiple pregnancy.